Night Night

Holden fell asleep in his OWN big boy bed ALL by himself tonight! He didn't attempt to get out, nor did he throw a fit or cry out Mommy, or better yet, Ronica, for 3o minutes. :) His father had a lot of good ideas and helped with the sleep routine. I felt as if I had made Holden regress, because I've been having to lay in there with him....for long periods of time to get him to sleep....and before, when he was in his crib, he was going to bed all on his own! I do think his separation anxiety peaked this summer...as he would breakdown everytime I left the room...including bed time. It is flattering, however, heartwrenching. He is coming down from the peak....with perfect time as he is starting Smart Start next week, full time......yes, our baby is growing up so fast and it just makes me so sad, but also beam with pride. I am looking forward to picking out a lunch box and back pack for him this weekend. He will be joining his cousins, Ava and Preston at Smart Start- along with several other firefighter children, including his buddy, Reese, who was with him at his previous day care. We are very much looking forward to this new adventure.

It has been a great, low key summer. We have had a lot of bike rides, pool time, pop-cycles, and walks. It has been so fun to just hang with Holden, especially because his language development has skyrocketed. He is speaking in full paragraphs, but I would say we understand 1/3 of it. He continues with nicknaming those close to him, which I think is so cute. He is also learning Please and Thank You very well. He really is a sweet, loving and polite child. He hasn't slowed down and I think if we could ask him what his greatest accomplishment was this summer he would probably say mastering the sommersault, going down the slide headfirst into the pool, and climbing the ladder at Daddy's station..... Yes, folks we have a risk taker on our hands.

More Holden'isms

Tonight when we were coming home I heard Holden smacking his lips, making the kissing noise. At a stoplight, I turned around and heard him do it again and say, "owwwie" and then he kissed his own knee. He had scraped his knee earlier in the evening.

He is so funny! He was also kissing Colby all day...we try and encourage "gentle" as he is such a rough and tumble boy. He has difficulty settling his feet and hands! LOL!

He is also going down the slide into the pool, headfirst and saying, "Mommy, I fall"

Holden is just a joy, and so much fun! I can't keep up with him, and I just watch him in awe, as he enjoys life to the fullest, every second of the day!

My goal this week is to post some videos, current and a little in the past, that I have failed to do! Look for them!

Swimming through summer

Holden is swimming! It is glorious! He is so brave. He jumps off the edge, goes under water....he is just a little fish. He has a good mix of being cautious and brave, not venturing out into water that is beyond his capacity.

We were worried at first in the beginning of the summer as Holden seemed very scared of the water, but alas, Grandma Nancy came to the rescue and made it fun. ONE session with Grandma and he was back to his fish like behavior. Thank you Grandma!

Pictures coming soon....

Mirrors of a Mother

Jesse and I often talk before we fall asleep and last night we were talking about Holden (of course) and the challenges of parenthood and it inspired me to write (I love to write, and consider myself a writer, but with life lately, I have been blocked or maybe just feel to busy, so the inspiration was a good feeling).

At one point last night I said to him that I felt that I am becoming a better mom. He asked why, as he thinks I am a good mom. I think where this stems from is that I thought I would automatically be a great mother. I mean, I thought I was primed to be the world's best mom. I wasn't cocky about it, but I thought I was "born to be a mother" and it would come naturally to me. Not to mention the fact that I work with children on a daily basis, my entire college career was based on child development and psychology. I even wrote my senior thesis in high school about attachment! I loved children, children loved me - it was in the bag - motherhood would be easy for me! I wouldn't even need to use all those books.....it was just born into my blood. I had both instinct and academic knowledge on how to "do it the right way;" I also knew I would love my child fiercely and that would just amplify my already thought to be present skills.

Well, people- that didn't happen. I don't think I am a bad mother at all, and I am becoming better, but I am far from perfect. I now understand when people used to tell me how hard parenting was. I never knew how lonley motherhood can be at times. I am an extrovert in may ways and many of my days and nights are only spent with a young child now. I have figured out that it is ok to say that I miss being able to eat breakfast with one friend, have lunch with another, dinner with another and drinks and dancing with lots - ALL In one day! Or being able to go to a movie by the seat of my pants, or take off to Hawaii for a weekend (yes, I once did this). I do miss some of these things and at first I felt guilty even missing them (yes, I also have a martyr complex). The point is that although I miss these things, it doesn't take away from the fact that the one thing I did think would happen, did in fact happen- I love Holden FIERCELY. I love him so much it hurts! I would do anything for him and enjoy him so much, as he is his own person and has more personality in his left pinky toe than most people have in their whole body. I have realized that Holden has my temperament and that is why parenthood is so hard at times. It is definitely a mirror- meaning I can get lit up or fired up by many of the things he does, most likely because they are a mirror of me! It has made me realize parenthood is not perfect, nor is it easy. There is NO perfect. There is no perfect when your almost 2 year old starts screaming in the aisle of the grocery store or runs away from you for a solid hour before you can finally pin him down to get his diaper on (all the while he is laughing his head off) or the hour at bedtime he wants you to "cuddle" or when he pushes me a way and calls ME "Ronica" when he is mad at me. There is no perfect! Well, there is perfect- but it has nothing to do with parenting, it has to do with his little, or shall I say big, spirit. Perfect are the 100's of kisses I get a day, his curls bouncing as he is doing somersaults, him saying hi to the random stranger while walking, and making their day, his never ending self-created nicknames for all of us, and his intense eyes that dance while he is looking at you. That is perfect.

Admitting there is no perfect has helped. My own mother helped me with that before she passed as well. She was a great mother to me and many others, but she struggled as well, although she had great instincts and bonding abilities. I have talked to those that I have considered stellar mothers, and they too, have told me it is a farce. One of my good friends, who I consider a great mom, Gina, has been a good example and sounding board for me, as she has told me her times of struggle. The thing Gina has shown me is that even though you love children and have strong instincts, you still need to learn! I have been reading lot's of books and taking what I like about them and trying to apply them to my everyday life. I think as parents, we have to continue trying to grow and fill up our toolbox of how to help our children through this human experience.

So, I think I am becoming a better mother, because I have listened to some wise people in my life that have allowed me to let the little things go and take the pressure off of being this perfect mother I thought I would be. So what if I give my kid M&M's once in awhile or let him watch too much TV. Those were prior judgments I had before becoming a parent in real life - the "OH MY GOD- I WOULD NEVER LET MY KID HAVE SUGAR or WATCH TV!" Sometimes I get so frustrated I have yelled at him, or wanted to spank him! I don't believe in spanking at all, so when I had my first desire to spank Holden, I went into my room and cried! I don't spank him and I try not to lose control and raise my voice, but it is extremely hard at times, as due to the fact that he is a mirror of me, I often get easily frustrated. The one commonality in the easy frustration is that I am always the one losing my composure. I am trying not to do that anymore and think of all the positives my child has- even when he is running away from me when I try to get that darn diaper on. He is finding joy even in the littlest things or when he wants to cuddle with me before he can finally fall asleep. I have found that this won't last forever and I should cherish every moment I have with, rather than wasting it on the small irritations of life. Jesse and I have such similar hopes for our son and they include happiness, strong ethics, compassion and intrinsic motivation.

The most ironic thing of all of this is that I was so sure I would be this great mother, but I so often catch myself watching Jesse and thinking, "wow, I wish I could be more like that" so I hope he knows at I am becoming a better mother because of the father is- so naturally.

I have also discovered I have to take the parts of myself that I miss and find new ways to incorporate them into my new life. I need to fill myself up more. This summer, taking meditation classes and being around spiritual people has really helped me find a new way to bond with people, because, really, I just like strong, meaningful relationships. Since having a child, I have found, the things I do want to do, need to have more meaning than prior to having a child. Having a child has made me a better mother, because, it has made me a better version of myself.

Toddlerhood

We are trying new things as toddler-hood and the Terrific Twos have hit with Hurricane Holden. He officially is in a big boy bed now, not by our choice, but due to the fact that he can climb, or rather jump out of the crib! It is a big transition, but he is doing ok. He needs a little more coaxing to go to bed, and he is so energetic, he needs help settling his body, mostly his feet- they keep running long after he has relaxed! HA!

We are also thinking about potty training as he is becoming interested in and hides when he poops anyway. I wish he would hide on the toilet.

Eating with better table manners is another on the list to work on, as he still has mini caveman tendencies.

The other big thing is preschool......he will be starting a preschool in August (sniff sniff). I cannot believe how fast they grow up. I was just saying to Jesse on the phone tonight that there will be one day when I won't be the coolest person to hang out with. (heart breaking!). Right now, he thinks I am the Kat's Meow and I am totallllly eating it up. I love hanging with him and he is so much fun. He just makes me laugh laugh laugh. I am so lucky to have him in my life! What was like even like before this????

My goodness, I have again neglected the blog. I have more motivation though, as I privately have been journaling "letters to Holden" as he is growing, but some may actually enjoy the stories as well.

Holden is just a joy. He is a little boy now and I am mourning the loss of my "baby" in him, but so excited to see how he grows up. He is so loving, caring, affectionate, social, spirited, energetic, and just amazingly happy at life. He is grits his teeth when he kisses you, because he is enthused. He calls me "Ronca" when I don't answer him in a timely fashion. He loves all of his aunt and uncles and has special names for them all- NeNe (Erin), Dos (Kevin), Ego/Diego (Kevin Campos), Mamy (Amy), Rae-Rae (Rachel). He calls Sean "Che-Che", Grandma is "Mama" and Grandpa is "Bumpa" He also knows Papa and Nana Campos and Nana Landback. He gives the best hugs.

He is extremely energetic and exhausts me! I am currently reading "The Spirited Child" as I often feel like a failure of a parent, but it has made me realize I just have a very unique little boy with a zest for life that is hard to keep up with! I love him so much.

Some of my favorite Holden-isms
-He will eat anything, including snails and say "MMMMMMMM"
-He says "BRRRRRRRRRRRRR" when he is cold and Haaawt when something is hot
-He is obsessed with Cars the movie and will run around the house saying "Kachow"
-He will turn his face and cup it so he can give you a proper kiss
-He doesn't walk. He runs.
-His favorite word is "uddddle" (cuddle)
-He loves other children
-He is kind and will share anything with anyone
-He loves to run and chase
-He's a meat and potatoes type of guy.
-He uses both his left and right hands for everything
-He can hear sirens miles away and says, "Daddy"
-He's got the shrug down.
-He will fake laugh when he hears adults laughing to try and be a part
-He is a daredevil. He has already mastered the somersault....while running.
-He loves life and is a happy go lucky kid. His dad is amazed at how happy and unjaded he is.

Holden really makes us better people and is challenging everything we ever said about being parents. I have now realized how I was so judgmental about parenting prior to being a parent. It is the most rewarding, but most difficult thing ever! I am adamant about doing a stellar job, as he is the most precious thing ever and I want him to be happy. I want to protect him but also allow him to explore the world.

I am so thankful he has such a wonderful group of people that love him. We just got back from a huge Campos family reunion in Chester for the 4th of July. He had so many Aunties, Cousins, Grandparents, Great Grandparents and Friends who love and adore him. That is what life is all about. I hope he continues charming them! Until next time....

Rainy Days

Well, I have deeply neglected this blog! I definitely want to keep up with it, more for documenting some of the incredible (little) things that Holden does every day. I have discovered we are raising a high spirited child. Holden wakes up with more energy than the energizer bunny. He wakes up happy and a chatterbox. He immediately wants to go outside and says "door door door" with such excitement. He talks and understands SO much. Today I asked him to get me a diaper and he ran in and got me one. He then proceeded to go get me his shoes, socks, jacket and my shoes all the while yelling door door door. It happened to be pouring rain outside. Due to the fact that this child needs to have a certain amount of outdoor time per day, or he ends up running laps around our house, climbing the walls (seriously) or standing on his head, I let him him go outside. I stood and watched him from the door and he had such joy on his face. He ran around with his little shovel and rake, splashed in puddles and explored his backyard. I knew he wanted me to come out and play with him, but he managed to entertain himself and then I think his little light bulb went off and when he knew I was far away from him to get away with something.....and so it began.

First, he sat in the mud puddle- giggling....then he looked to see where I was and began stripping off his clothes, starting with his boots/socks, moving down to his pants. I had to rush over to him and swoop him up and get him inside and warm. He was laughing the entire time and was just so proud of himself! I could not get mad, but was rather impressed with his ability to take off his clothes and I just wish I could have documented it on camera. This is the next best thing, so I never forget it and he knows how much fun he provided me, even though I am exhausted everyday! After he was warm he proceeded to run around naked for awhile, his next favorite thing.

I was not expecting to have such a spirited, active child and HE teaches me something every day. He teaches me about how precious life is and that the little things, like taking showers in the rain and sitting in the mud can create such unadulterated joy. I just love him so. I look forward to more rainy days.