Summer Changes

I realize during the summer how very fortunate I am to have so much time. It has meant more to me this year, as I have a little one...who is changing every day. It really is amazing, as there have been times when I have looked at Jesse and said - "OH MY GOSH! HE did not do that YESTERDAY!" The biggest changes have been that of his mobility. He is ON THE GO and moving. He was a late roller, but we attribute that to our hardwood floors....and he is so adaptable; when he started rolling, he would engage his "core" and lift his head up to prevent from hitting it on the floor. It is hilarious. The kid has some serious abs. I need to do his work out! On my birthday he decided he was going to crawl. It was simply amazing and the best birthday present a Mom could ever ask for. Jesse refers to his crawl as an "army crawl" as he kinda of scoots - another adaptation due to the hardwood floors! HE IS FAST THOUGH. It is scary. I have actually "lost" him in the house! ha! Not really, but he has made it to different rooms faster than I could imagine. I am now having to close off doors at this point. Of course he wants everything he shouldn't have. He is obsessed with electrical cords or any sort of electronic, with phones and remotes being his most favorite. In early July he decided that he had enough of just crawling and started pulling himself up. Uh-oh! It is so scary, as he is taking so many more falls, but we try not to gasp and just clap, unless he takes a serious header! The first time he stood up in his crib he was so proud and clapping for himself. It was very sweet. He is starting to get more confident and try to stand. Just this Saturday while we were having a play-date he stood all by himself for a few seconds. We joke that he is not going to walk - he is going to RUN! He finally got his first tooth and wants to bite everything. I can tell that it is hurting him, as he has become more cranky at times, but it has also enabled him to eat more. He just loves food - but the food we eat. We encourage this and eat at the table a lot. He has not been picky about anything and will even eat onion!

Other things...we have had a good summer with friends and family. We went on a mini family vacation in the wine country and it was just beautiful. It was nice to know that we can navigate hotels and restuarants...even wineries with a babe. The BOB stroller makes everything easier. We spent the 4th of July with the Campos clan at the Chester cabin and lakehouse and it was great to spend time with relatives near and far. We also met my family at Lake Britton for a day and Holden got to spend the day with ALL of his cousins, as Sean went with us. It was very fun. Summer is fast approaching its end and with that I have become very sad. We are placing Holden in a small family day care that focuses on ages birth to 3, with very few children, as Holden LOVES kids. We would like him to have the opportunity to be able to socialize and play. However, it is just tearing me apart. I feel we have made an excellent decision with the provider, but it is still so sad to me that I will be missing so much, as I have seen him change on a daily basis. We are best friends, so much alike! It will be good for him to be there though. We have done some classes and socializing this summer as well - we are enrolled in Swimming and a dance/movement class. Both have been fun and I think we will continue the swimming throughout the year as he loves it and I can see a huge difference in his skills.

He is going to start daycare soon and we are very much looking forward to Holden being able to spend more time with kids. I will be going back to work in August and having very bittersweet feelings about it.

Thank You Spring.

Spring time has come upon us....and we are excited about the better weather as all of us really enjoy being outside. Holden loves to be outside and Grandma has been taking him to the Park on nice days. He even got a little tan! Grandma and Aunty Erin do a lot of fun things with Holden while we are at work and we are so grateful to them. We don't have to worry about our little guy as he gets to spend time with people who love him. He also has gotten to spend time with his cousin, Sean and they have a blast together. Grandpa and Holden have special time in the morning, eating their oatmeal together, talking about trees and going to work. I look forward to the day when Holden knows more about trees and plants than me, I assume it will probably be in about 5 years, as Sean already knows all about dogwoods!

We are all looking forward to the nice weather and being able to explore new things with the little buddy. He just gets more fun. He continues to love food and people. I think those are his favorite things. He has recently begun to notice that we come and go. He started crying when his dad left for work the other day. He truly adores his father and it melts my heart, as I adore his father too. It is very sweet. He cannot take his eyes off of his dad when his dad in the room. Jesse is an amazing father and it has definitely paid off, as I think he is probably Holden's most favorite person.... Holden loves to play with dad and snuggle with me, so we both get our special time. We just love him so much. We are having fun getting to know this wonderful human being and learning so much about ourselves in the process. I think we have been doing such a good job at having fun during this journey, being flexible and patient and really being thankful for each day. It just gets better and better. Our little family is very happy. :)

Lot's of cute new pics...Visits to daddy and the fire truck, new hats, posing for the camera, and eating... :)








10-4 Good Buddy. ;)
On a visit to Daddy.























































He fit in this spot perfect!

















He is always ready for the camera!
















OK...this hat is probably the cutest thing ever. It also makes his eyes POP! I love it and have gotten so many compliments on it. I got it on etsy.com, a community of sellers who sell handmade items. This particular seller is out of Canada and her baby hats are just to die for...














His eyes get me.

















Sleeping...just like his father...with the covers up or over his eyes. Probably the most unique genetic thing I have seen. Seriously.....who sleeps exactly like their father???














My handiwork....homemade, organic baby peas!!!
















His most favorite toy....his own feet!

Is everyone blogging? I keep coming across all of these new mother blogs, and to be honest they make me feel inadequate....for about a minute....then I realize that I am doing the best I can and I have huge strengths, as I put my child before anything else and I love him fiercely and more than anything...

I have learned a lot since being a mother. The one thing I have learned is that I have NO idea what the hell I am doing! This is not a class I can get an "A" in. It is an ever changing, constant motion, work in progress. I have always been hard on myself and had extremely high expectations. Motherhood is not any different....but I really feel I have relaxed and gained patience that I've never had before, as I understand what it feels like to be difficult. I am kind of difficult myself! Plus, I think as a working mother, I have to let a lot of things go. With that said here are some of my words of wisdom

Things I love:
1. The Bumbo Seat
2. The Baby Bjorn
3. Baeba Babycook
4. Trumpette Socks
5. G diapers
6. Grandma's house ;)

1. Be there for your child. You are the prize. Love them unconditionally.
2. Take offers of help and allow your partner to help
3. Take breaks if things get difficult
4. Lower your expectations for being a perfect mother, the perfect "green" mother, the perfect caregiver, the perfect woman. etc. perfection is unattainable
5. Have fun with your child
6. Stop constantly comparing kids..."has he rolled over yet?" "Is he sleeping through the night" etc. Who cares? Really? They are all individuals. I love that Holden has strengths AND weaknesses. It will allow for learning.
7. Treasure every single nano-second, because it all goes by so fast.

I write Holden letters every so often and will give them to him someday to show him what this experience has meant to me. It has truly changed me, forever. He has made me a better human being, or just brought out what was always there, but untapped and unchallenged. I hope he realized what an impact he has already made in such a short time.

Holden is doing very well. Growing is his main job. He just had his 5 month check up and his stats were as follows: 15.5 pounds (25-50th %ile) and 26 & 3/4 inches long! (90th %ile) - pretty good for a preemie! He also had his shots on this appointment and I was in tears. It is so traumatic for Moms. He did not cry until the 4th shot, but by the time it was done he was livid peeved and howling with anger. He then conked out in the back of the car.

New Updates:
He is OBSESSED with food. He stares at our plates. We have been making our own baby food and he currently loves sweet potatoes and avocado. I mean, he CHOWS DOWN and oooh's and ahh's.

He is just really turning into a spitfire, and I love it. He is so much fun and talks/chats away to us all day long. He has these really intense facial expressions. We have also found, to our dismay, that he realllllly likes cartoons. Who knew. I, unfortunately, HATE anything animated, so this will be a trying experience for me. I see many hours in the movie theaters watching Pixar. All of his aunties can take him! :) He is also starting to sit up on his own and will roll over occasionally, except apparently, I am the only one to really witness this. He is sleeping through the night, although he has been for quite some time. He puts himself to bed around 8. We have finally gotten a good bedtime routine, because he was starting to have meltdowns around 8:30. We started really getting ready for bed around 7:15 (bath, pj's, reading a book, relaxing with mom and dad) and by 8 he is done. He sleeps and sleeps and would sleep until around 8:30 AM if we let him. However, he doesn't nap during the day, he doesn't want miss any action!

All in all this whole parenthood is just fun. I love him so much. I just cannot explain the love I have for him. He truly lights up my life. His dad and I are having a lot of fun. I couldn't have hoped for anything better. Life is good.

New pics.

Getting Ready for Night Night time.

Daddy reading a story!

Let's get those toes!!

As Aunty Sara said, "Another Avocado lover is born!"

Updated Photos! I have a little break at work (not really, but I am taking one anyway) and I wanted to update some photos.

First off...I went back to work 3 weeks ago and it has been hard as I am missing my bebe, however, he is splitting his time between Grandma, Aunty Erin and Daddy (when he is off) and it has been good not to worry about him as I know he is getting plenty of love....

Anyhow....I was looking through old photos, realizing how very small he was and how he has changed so dramatically. He is getting hair and he is getting SO Big. In December, he was in the 80th percentile for his length. He is so tall. We have to put him in 6-9 month clothes now due to his length. He is catching up rapidly.

I hope this finds you all well and we miss those who don't get to see us regularly...Hope you enjoy some of these photos. The following are some of my favorites and I could not choose which one to post, so I posted a lot. He just has the most captivating eyes and expressions and of course....that smile! In one he is wearing his Willamette University Gear, that was a present to his dad, because we all know how proud his dad is of being a WU Alumni. I also included his little leg-warmers because his legs are so darn long, we have to put those under pants at time. I think they are adorable, as I am a fan of legwarmers....There are also some of him watching football. He loves it. He will watch it for a long time! He is just so much fun....

2008 -- a year of love and pain

I will try and update with pictures soon, but I just wanted to write a short note about Holden.
He truly is a joy. I have had some recent sadness with the loss of MY mom and he, along with his father, my family, and friends have really helped me get through it. However, I must say, it is hard to sink into a deep hole when you have the unconditional love of a child. He is beginning to laugh! We also taught him how to "give kisses" the other day. He basically just opens his mouth wide. Jesse and Grandma Nancy have gotten him to full on laugh. It is just amazing. I know that my mom already loved Holden and she loved to hear all of my stories and worries about him. I finally understood how she really felt about ME -- mainly by the feeling I get just by looking at him. It deeply saddens me that she won't see me be a mother, because I think I am doing a good job. However, I will keep her memory alive in my heart for him. I recently told a friend that I did not know what real love was until 2008 and I did not know what real pain was in 2008. The birth of Holden was the best thing that has happened to me, thus far; along with the death of my mom being the worst thing.

I do believe tragedy can bring people together....and I have a strong support system in that of friends and family. What is left of my small family is a bonded and beautiful group of people. I know we will get through this together and even though there isn't much of them, they will give Holden a lot of love.

I know that my mom knew I was happy and she would want me to continue being so and I am trying to do just that. He is helping me. I cannot wait for his growth in 2009 to show me and teach me even more about....love.